a desirable perception

i love to be perceived as a genuine, relational, laid back and caring person. if honest, i think we all desire to be looked upon in whatever manner we see as the best way to be. i would also contend that we look at situations and people with a grid of knowledge consisting of what we situationally feel is best. i tend to view things with a short checklist:

1. does it pertain to me? 2. can i fix this problem? and 3. what can i learn from this?

as a young man, i have a high tendency to perceive myself as having an unsually large ability to believe that i am what stands between a problem existing and it being solved. some could accredit this to the truth that young men have high testosterone levels, which could be valid. i don't think it's necessarily an awful desire, legitimately it could be how things happen.

but i'm finding a problem with it. if i have the ability to achieve and for some reason, don't achieve.. then what does that do for my self view? failure presents an interesting situation for self esteem. and an even greater question for christians, how does this effect God's perception of me?

one of my favorite authors, a guy named brennan manning has some great thoughts on this question: "we can not assume that he feels about us the way we feel about ourselves unless we love ourselves compassionately, intensely and freely. in human form, Jesus revealed to us what God is like." i would hardly say i have an intense, compassionate love for myself, and i don't know that i see that in a ton of people.

i heard a famous pastor once say that "he's never seen a lazy, undisciplined man who's life wasn't in inner turmoil." agreed. so what about the disciplined, achiever? and what's their life like when they're not disciplined and achieving? i don't know. but i think we have two choices and that's to view ourselves the way God does, with a ferocious, unfailing love based on his immutable character. or we could walk by God's biblical definition of himself and make it conditional.

ps: in honor the title "desirable perception", i thought it would be fun to put up pictures of celebrity actors that i think it would be so sweet to look like when aged.

paul and the patriots

have you ever played that fun game in the car where you try and connect two actors? example: brad pitt to john cusack. john cusack was in high fidelity with tim robbins, who was in shawshank redemption with morgan freeman, who was in that very gory movie i never should have watched called se7en with brad pitt. it's such a fun game, i used to play it in class when i was sleepy too. i was stirred towards this game when i was able to connect the apostle paul and the 2010-11 new england patriots. haha we'll see if it's valid while they weren't in any movies together.

as i watched espn this week, i saw something unusual. the new england patriots are playing the new york jets in 2nd round of the nfl playoffs on sunday and the coaches and players are being interviewed about the game. the jets players and coaches are consistently slandering the patriots and they aren't getting any kind of a response. across the board, the patriots are responding in a very cordial manner with a quiet confidence about the upcoming contest.

the character quality i see here is that this football team is so confidently established in their identity, that regardless of the accusations or opinions of others, they have a strong assurance about their self image.

flash back 2000ish years ago, and hear about a guy named paul. something i've been studying about him is how he had a "thorn in his flesh" in one of his letters, 2 corinthians. we don't necessarily know what this thorn is but it appears to be some sort of physical ailment. while paul pleads that it could be taken from him 3x, he comes to terms with it in verse 9 when he's told by God that His "grace is made perfect in your weakness."

does that sound weird to you? it's not natural that weakness and imperfection would be good for anything. except maybe humility. but the beauty of being a Christian is that my identity isn't in me, it's placed in the cleansing work of Jesus and my weaknesses as a sinful person point me to the need of a Savior and it draws my heart to him.

"When you were dead in your sins... God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross."

colossians 2: 13-15

the patriots are secure in their identity as a prepared, tested champion of professional football, while i'm more leaning towards paul's side where i stand confident in my identity as a sinful yet completely loved and forgiven christian.

ps here it is: the new england patriots play the new york jets this sunday, who appear to be a thorn in their flesh in a very similiar manner to paul's ailment.

haha i hope your new year is starting off very well friends!

-mandy candy

belief

i don't think i like to analyze this word in relation to me. with pride from natural growth in understanding, skepticism ensues in my life and that doesn't always play out in a pretty way.
some of the questions to ask are what do i believe in and what does that mean in my life? how strongly do i believe that? when anything challenges what i believe in, how do i respond to that? i would say i'm definitely an unusual combination of laid back and strong willed but how does my personality rub situationally?
tangibly, conflict brings this out. as i have a deep faith that God loves and accepts me unconditionally, why do i respond in an unbelieving way? when any situation resulting in my ways or desires being disregarded, i'm called to arms. my time and schedule, my want to spend quality time with a friend, simply a need to shift my perspective from me to someone else, often if not always brings discomfort.
"and we know in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." romans 8:28
yeah paul, i hear you. down the road, i'll more than likely be very thankful for the embattling situation as it's very likely this is building and changing me into who i want to be. but right now, i don't believe that's whats best. i firmly believe in my infinite wisdom of 22 years of age that this other situation and accompanying outcome is what's best for me.
it's so silly but nearly anytime i'm offended, these thoughts rise to the surface. how do you respond when you're pressed friend? do you believe in the underlying truth that you're sure of when things are going great? or do you default to a selfish bitterness that a "me first and above all" society teaches? just a thought, have a great day friends.
mandy candy

manly movies

so i watched robin hood yesterday. consequently, i want to shoot bow and arrows with precision off horseback and visit the countryside of the united kingdom. while i do have some history with horses, i have no skill in the field of archery and it's not likely that i'll be flying off to london on my intern salary anytime soon. on the contrary, thematically, there were tons of things i get to take home! so let's talk about it.

1. the power of a visionary

as robin returns home, he fulfills his vow to a dying man to speak to his father, on his behalf. as robin speaks with the noble father, he receives more than he bargained for. robin only bears faint memories of his dad. alternatively, the nobleman was very familiar with robin sr. and his character and life.

as sir locksley unveils the hidden truth of robin's dad, we find out that he was much more than a common stonemason. he was a man of decorated character, a layman burdened with a heart for truth and justice. we don't know much about his dad but we hear a quote associated with his cause: "rise and rise again until lions become lambs". and we learn that he was executed for withholding the names of men who stood for the cause of a just government, that honored the value of every man.

from this point forward we see a renewed vigor in robin. one that stands and fights for the same objective, ignited for the cause of standing where men couldn't stand for themselves. the change agent in robin's life could potentially have been this new knowledge of his heritage of fighting for a higher cause. i think that's what we're all looking for. a higher, nearly darn unachievable belief to simply take part in. something that we're completely caught up in that's greater than ourselves. robin found his in saving england from invaders and tyranny where i know i've found mine in the eternal cause of knowing God and making Him known. what's yours?

2. a right perspective of females

towards the end of the movie, we find the last battle. france is storming through the english channel about to hit the beachhead and the traitorous godfrey awaits with his army, preparing to take england. russell crowe and the calvary charge the slope towards the sand, climactic elements abounding. as robin and his pals charge, he runs in to an unexpected visitor, his girl. lady miriam is on the beach, ready to fight. i think it's every male's protective instinct that says "please don't let her out there bro.." but i love his response. after a brief fit, he affirms her "rally your troops, locklsey. join the charge."

my eye brows move and i'm put off, for reals? but robin attacks my false thinking here. she was made for that charge. as an english woman, she will be just as affected by the fall of the country as he would be. i'm completely aware that men and women are made completely equal but different. yes, he does valliantly fight to save her from the villain and i love that imagery as well. but what i'm rebuked for is something altogether different, the confusion of women and this ultimate battle we fight as men.

as i've gone down the checklist of idols in my life, a relationship with a girl has been one of them. what the Lord has been so gracious to reveal to me is that a girl will never satisfy the way He does. ultimately, that if a relationship with a girl ever takes the top spot reserved for him, where i find my hope and security, that relationship would inevitably come up short. i think as men we have the tendency to see a girl as the ultimate joy in our life, not the transcendent cause we were made for.

life is going really great friends, i love fall! i'm really enjoying my job at oklahoma state and there's so many people that i'm blessed to get to interact with on a weekly basis. but i hope you're doing well and have a great november!

your friend,

steven

relationships

today i went for a walk in a park here in stillwater, beautiful morning! then i saw this squirrel and it drew my attention, in a somewhat similiar fashion to the dog Doug from the movie "Up!". he's got it all. i was stepping on acorns the entire walk and i saw at least 5 other squirrels around during the remainder of the morning. how legit is that? he's got everything he needs, food for the entire winter and his boys to hang with. what if he didn't have all his friends there with him?

when i decided to stay in stillwater for another year after graduation, i wasn't sure how it'd go but it's been realllly great. i'm practically getting to see what i could do with my life, learning and growing and i'm having so much fun doing it. my favorite thing i've been thinking about is all the great relationships that are in my life. for the last week or two, i've been completely infatuated with this idea of relationships and what goes on there and i want to share my findings with you.

we've got all kinds of these relationships. work friends, college friends, high school friends, classmates, best friends, people we wave to, gf's/bf's, roommates, family, and on and on but why? what purpose do all of these relationships serve? what do we like about these things? here's what i think, relationships are in my terms:

-stretching. it's human nature and tendency (with the exception of moms) to simply stare at ourselves and what we want and need and to have no concern at all for others. what's the problem with that? if we're all walking around staring into mirrors, relationally there will be casualties. ever talk to one of those people who asks you the best questions about your life? they leave and you just want them to come back right? it's so hard to put others needs and wants ahead of our own, but when you care about them, mannn that's love.

-lifegiving. early in college i really struggled because i didn't have close relationships. there were great people around me that cared about me but it took being intentional to really feel what that's all about. there's something to say for getting past the "how was class?/how was your weekend?" type stuff. life is so much sweeter when people really know how you're doing and who you really are. having something in our lives that we're ashamed of is such a terrible feeling. 1john 1 says "if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another.." walking in the light looks like us being exposed for who we really are before one another and then we can experience true fellowship with one another. when someone loves us regardless of our past actions, it's so freeing.

my favorite part of this topic is my relationship with God. it's so easy to default to thinking we justify ourselves before Him. how many times have we all thought, either openly or subconsciously, ya know, i went to church/bible study/had my quiet times this week, God's totally cool with me now. or maybe, we're seeing victory over sin in our life. ex: the way we talk looks prettier, i wasn't hatin on anybody too much this week, etc. and we feel like we're cool with God for a while. where's that in the bible? where did God say,"you go to church, don't drink and we'll be cool." He didn't. in ephesians 2:8,9, he says eternal life is a gift, not something we earn. the truth about the message of Christ is the greatest thing i know and i hope you can just let that truth resonate in your heart for a while friend. and try not to smile after thinking about it.

have a great weekend!
-mandy candy

speaking dad

after spending the better part of the last decade trying to understand the reasoning/motivations/true meaning of interactions with my dad, i feel i have stumbled onto some helpful observations. translating the dialect that is fatherish and understanding the significance of comments and actions should probably be taken as a foreign language. here we go:

a. "do you want to go get patio furniture?"

sure, it's not likely that you'll have a heart to heart conversation at lowe's. nor is it likely that your advice will be strongly considered in the process but what's significant about this seemingly pointless trip is that you are spending 4o+ minutes in transit, meandering around the home and garden store and assembling the new acquisition. but what's so sweet to see from this encounter is the ministry of presence in the relationship. by them asking and you accepting, there's a point of mutual acceptance, a state of "we want to be around each other". as a christian, i can see how my heavenly Father just wants to be with me. look at luke 15. it's packed full of lost "somethings" and the joyous finding of them. you ever get excited to find something you didn't really care about losing? like that sock you find in your couch cushions? naww, because it wasn't precious to have. not like your form of livelihood, a portion of your income or your son.

b. stereotypical conversation involving rebuking or correction

this conversation can't get over with soon enough. it seems meaningless, in that we who have parents who care enough to make us aware of our transgressions have already felt the weight of wronging and letting them down and have resolved to fix the problem with all due effort. but block out the next 15min-2hours to get some lip service about making sure you're aware of that. while this is the most painful, it's more loving then we know.

"because the LORD disciplines those he loves,as a father the son he delights in." proverbs 3:12

i know this is probably the most obvious, but it may be the hardest to remember in the moment.

c.this is more of an intangible: letting you move back home over the summer, giving you that old truck when you turn 16, going to your games for 15+ years, etc.

these are things that i've so often took for granted. so much i look at these things as what's expected, as the norm. not only are we so often provided with what we need (food, shelter) but our parents go above and beyond. as a finance grad, my inclination is to build a spreadsheet full of time value functions to imagine how much of an investment i've been for the past 22 years. the opportunity cost (forgone investments) in investing in my life i'm sure would amount to any combination of a much earlier retirement, sports car, season tickets to the dallas cowboys, okc thunder and the texas rangers, and on and on we go. in these small, compounding situations, i see what has been given for my well being and wants. sleep, money, hobbies, relationships, vacations. granted, i didn't volunteer to be born. but when our parents had us, they were handed the opportunity to sacrifice themselves. 1 john 3:16 says that "this is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.."

it's so easy to focus on what we don't have and to want more, to want what others have. but to read between the lines and see all of the great love, time and foregone opportunity that has been invested in our lives, this will certainly impact the way we perceive the mustache wearing, recliner dweller. i'm not saying he's perfect, or even that he doesn't mess up, even consistently, but enjoy the blessing that he is and take a second or third look to see what's really going on. i'm learning there's more ways they communicate their feelings than with three consecutive words on occassion.

redefining greatness

this summer has just been something else friends. i've never been more humbled and amazed then i have over the course of the previous two months. coming home to perkins for a summer of support raising for my internship with campus crusade for christ wasn't on my top 10 list of ideas of fun things i want to do with my life, but it's been both phenomenal and nauseating at the same time. the stories of people's lives have blown me away and the guidance and comfort i've received is something i treasure. it's been a process but i see that it's an opportunity for these people to be a part of reaching lives for Christ, which is amazing. it's just been amazing to see the Lord's faithfulness amidst all my doubt and anxiety. my favorite parts have been the sweet growth experiences filled with those moments of deep despair followed by hearing just what i need to hear right when i needed to hear it. spending so much time with my family has been great too, they're soo great. but a few observations:

1. fireworks blow my mind. tightly, compacted gun powder and chemicals that when ignited shoot multiple football fields into the air and erupt into symmetrical, color changing, perfectly shaped lights in the sky? coomee onnn. how much does God love us that he would give us stuff like that just to look at? i vote that we should celbrate our country's half birthday as well. i think this would also lessen post christmas sadness. just a thought.

2. another mind boggling thing to me is how people are swooning over 25-3o year old men and where they'll play professional basketball at next year. i've seen interviews with cleveland residents claiming "the town just won't be the same" and "i don't know what we'll do without him." my question is on what level has a 25 year old basketball player ever met any of your phsyical, financial or emotional needs? i read the title "ohio on edge as it awaits lebrons decision" for reals? i'll be honest, i put my hope into sports as well. oklahoma state, okc thunder, dallas cowboys, even a usa soccer team that i can't name more than 3 players on the roster. i'm just as bad but here's a thought:

"we were created for a ferocious, epic battle for the Lord, but for some reason, we try and satisfy that desire with sports."-matt chandler

only 3 things are eternal: God, his word and the soul's of men. too often, i live life in light of my entertainment and not in awareness of the eternal implications of my surroundings. God defines greatness as to how much can we give our life away to those around us (matthew 20:26-28) and not based off how many points we can score in basketball/how freakishly high we can jump. it's constantly a process for me to keep definining myself by who i am in Christ and not based of my lack of a vertical.

but i hope you had a great 4th of july and are having a great summer! God bless.

-mandy candy