If Christmas wasn't a holiday

“You don’t know what you have until it’s gone” is a paradox. We obviously know what we have because we are currently experiencing “having it”. I think it’s more that you don’t appreciate what you have until it’s gone.

This morning I’ve been trying to think about what life would be like if Christmas didn’t happen every year. I heard an upset atheist on NPR the other day talking about how we’re really celebrating the Winter Solstice at the end of December, and maybe that plays in to when we celebrate, I’m not sure. (Still waiting on my first happy winter solstice card) But for the sake of trying to “appreciate what I don’t have”, what if we just celebrated the winter solstice with the pagan symbol of a tree symbolizing fertility and the sun’s particular location instead of the birth of the Judeo-Christian messiah and the charitable Irish Saint Nicholas?

If the birth of a small Jewish boy named Jesus in the tiny Middle Eastern country east of the Mediterranean Sea over 2,000 years ago didn’t happen, how different would our lives look? While fascinating, my focus in this question isn’t a political one in regard to how different the world would look, but rather one for personal reflection. The biggest change for me would all boil down to one word: hope.

“Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.”

      -Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption

In The Shawshank Redemption, the main character Andy Dufresne had hope that he wouldn’t spend the rest of his life in prison. As a Christian, my hope for today and all eternity is in that Middle Eastern child. That the historical accounts of his life were correct in that he lived in a perfect way, without any sin or moral error against a perfect God. And that when he was executed by the Roman government, his life was the complete, satisfactory payment for the wrong doing that I commit and that exist on my account with the sovereign Creator of the universe. Without his sacrifice, I believe that I have no hope before this fair and just God. Without the famously celebrated birth on Christmas, that hope is gone.

“Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation – if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel.” Colossians 1:21-23

 Instead, the life, death, resurrection and teachings of Jesus give me hope. I think I've slipped into routine regarding Christmas. I’ve been concerning myself with the logistics and scheduling that tend to be a topic of conflict for newlyweds and making prideful comments about completing my shopping so far ahead of time. But I want to focus on what it really means and what it really brought. That when my cutest family members are excited to open their presents, that my heart will rejoice in the greatest present ever given.  

Merry Christmas!

-Steven

a man's greatest "strength"

The sniffling Paul Bratter quotes "I don't need anybody to protect me, sweetheart, because I am a man-- independent, mature, self-sufficient man" as he stands shoeless, sneezing and sobbing in the middle of New York City's Central Park.
A quote from the late 60's film "Barefoot in the Park", I was lucky enough on Valentine's Day to go see this play with my lovely new bride, another wonderful jewel chronicling my cultural growth. Among all the comical anecdotes attached to the exploits of the newlywed time period, the quote about manhood stuck out to me.

If a short list were to be made concerning the most masculine of qualities, what would be on it? I suppose such a subjective concept would give answers ranging from pay grade to facial hair length, from bench press amount to quantity of trades mastered. Depending on your personal experiences with men and your value system, the list could be wide spread. Bratter's comment unveils a universally accepted principle for masculinity, the concept of self reliance.

Self reliance would encompass many generally accepted masculine qualities. One of my favorite dude blogs has an elaborate process of how to develop self reliance. Include in these qualities would be financial independence, highlighted by a man's capability to earn and provide for all of his own needs. Also, I think the ability to take care of any sporadic needs you may encounter is a quality pinned to a male, whether it's automotive or home improvement related. 
As a christian, I'm blessed with a codified, absolute definition of masculinity that's not subject to personal whims. Biblically, men are taught to be strong, imitators of God, created in His image (1 Corinthians 16:13,11:7) and servants who give of themselves to those around them (Matthew 20:25,26). All of these standards support the idea of being capable, self sufficient men.

But there's another thread of scripture to be held in tandem with that. Philippians 4:6 not only recommends but commands that we release anxiety about life's troubles, entrusting them to a higher authority for discernment and proper fulfillment. John 10:10 points to Christ as the ultimate source of abundant life, not our ability as men to "strong arm" it.
One of my favorite stories in the Old Testament is found in 2 Kings 3, when a war party of kings is stranded in the desert. Dying of thirst, they finally decides to ask God for help. Elisha, essentially the go-between God and the Jewish people, says, and  check this, not only can I get water for you, but v.18 "This is an easy thing in the eyes of the Lord, He will also hand Moab (their enemy) over to you as well." The next morning, streams of water appear in the desert, driving their enemies to think a mutiny occurred and a blind charge ensues. The stranded kings basically walk to victory. The point is this: God is strong, sufficient and if things are going to go well, He will be depended on.

There's clearly two thoughts displayed here, strength and dependency. This is something I struggle with and that I see other guys dealing with. We're naturally good, gifted and blessed with certain things, but flaws and weaknesses ensue, I believe by divine design. Life will naturally unveil a need for a dependency on something more than ourselves. It may be a career limitation, a physical ailment or a relational need, but from my extremely limited perspective (25 years), I can see in my own life and look around to find these things. At that point, my strength and courageousness that I'm called to have (1 Corinthians 16:13) isn't enough. I think this unveils what I was supposed to be living in reality of all along, I'm a steward, a faint imitation of a Greater Figure.

Self reliance and strength under the authority of God, the divine authority is such an interesting concept. Masculinity, as well as the feminine nature, is to be celebrated and held in tension with the who God is and what His role in our life is.

Nobody told me about this part

Saturday night, I had the privilege of seeing a legend in concert, George Strait. It was definitely a woman's show (he was accompanied by miss Martina McBride, see This One's for the Girls) but it was still fantastic. Any time you can see a performer that has 58 (!) #1 songs, it's at least worth checking out what all the fuss is about. I don't think I've ever cheered so loud for a senior citizen before that night.





His show was a nice compilation of his early songs from the late 70's all the way to his soon to be released album, but one particular jam caught me in my tracks. Titled "A Showman's Life", it's one of your typical downtrodden country songs, covering an unforeseen, unfortunate experience about where life had led him.

Something you might have inferred form the title, the song is about the life of a famous musician and his life on tour. Here's a sample of how it goes:

"They told me all about the pretty girls and the wine and the money and the good times
There's no mention of all the wear and tear on an old honky tonker's heart. Well I might have known it
But nobody told me about this part"

In regard to the music industry, this thought seems to be pretty standard. Months and months away from home, living on a bus and various hotel rooms would be pretty glamorous and exciting life initially but I think it would catch up to a guy.

With that being said, that definitely seems to be the goal for most musicians, or at very least a byproduct of that goal. I can comprehend the appeal of fame, that's not missed on me. George alluded to how much he would miss 20,000 people screaming and cheering to hear him perform. But that line sticks with me, "nobody told me about this part."
   


I think this probably applies to what you and I desire. I can list of 3,4 things that I would love to accomplish or advance to. A higher paying position, a big nice house with a study, a nice large shop for my new woodworking equipment and an MBA to name a few. George refers to these as "pretty girls, the money and the wine". But I think George is trying to tell us something.

What would it be like if I actually had those things?
Or more specifically, what part is somebody not telling me about?

I spend a good amount of time thinking and a few dollars of my money looking to acquire the things I yearn for and the pleasures and glories attached.
But what wisdom and inferences can I make from "A Showman's Life"?

I think the old adage "with great power comes great responsibility" is probably very true. A lower paying, less significant job has very little pressure and responsibility attached, as does a mortgage with property taxes and housing insurance. By no means am I advocating that I want to stay where I am vocationally or residentially, but I think there's a sense of idealizing that occurs with the things we'd like to have. That when that gets here, it'll fix my problems.
I don't want to let the air out of anybody's tires, achieve your dreams and work hard to arrive. I'm just 25, I haven't lived life hardly at all. But I want us to listen to what Papa George (age 60) has to say, there's parts to that dream you may not have been told about.

how expensive is love?

gosh i love a good "animal friends" picture.

"You may as well give her your bass boat, hunting equipment, fry daddy and put your wallet on top and give it to her, because that's what it could cost you. If it doesn't cost you, it isn't love."
Last night, my beautiful bride and I were listening to a talk on marriage and the rustic, proverbially wise speaker shared the previous statement. Note: This was not in reference to a divorce settlement but rather in reference to what it takes to love another well.

The statement was absolute: if love is to be given, there will be a cost. I know that love is a choice, whether we're aware of it or not, to give preference to another person.

But this statement provoked a new facet, a new definition to my understanding of love. Does love always have to cost someone? Does it require time or money, emotion or strength, or simply effort to do that? 

I'm not an economist but I can remember from my college days the concept of "Marginal Benefit", something that will drive someone to give a resource.
Marginal Benefit is defined as:
The maximum amount a consumer is willing to pay to consume the additional unit of a good or service. In a normal situation, the marginal benefit will decrease as consumption increases.

This tells me that human nature is to continue to pay, to consume, as long as it's beneficial. Applying this principal to human relationships, why would someone love, chose to sacrifice on a consistent basis for another person?  How is that always beneficial for the lover (lovee)? And what's the limit on this? I suppose consumption, paying, loving would stop when the benefit is exhausted.  I know human intentions are impossible to interpret but I know that their is a perceived benefit in everything we do.

I don't know if I've really made a conclusion here, but I know that I claim to love many people and I don't know what it's costing me. What does it cost you to love others? I can see a correlation in my life between the people I've made effort for, and have made effort for me and the significance of those relationships or lack thereof.
The question I'm thinking on is "who do I want to love?" Who am I willing to absorb the cost for to communicate to them that I love them? I hope this doesn't exhaust you and I, but I think I say I love people but I haven't been absorbing a cost to do so.
I know that one of the most beautiful spiritual principles I've ever seen is that God's kindness draws me to repentance (Romans 2:4). That Him absorbing the cost initially to communicate love to me, to communicate His feelings towards me is the most motivating truth I'm aware of. I find motivation to love God and others from this, regardless of what I currently perceive about their feelings towards me.
What motivates you to love others?

Black Monday

This past Monday was "Black Monday" in the National Football League, and this wasn't a sequel to the holiday "Black Friday" sales from late November. 7 head coaches and their, I don't know, 15 person staffs (minimum) were told to seek new forms of employment after not winning enough football games. Some had worked for a team for only 2 years (Cleveland's Pat Shurmur) but some had worked for a team for 10+ years (Philly's Andy Reid, Chicago's Lovie Smith).


It's just an unfortunate part of that industry and while I think it's sad, it reveals to me a pattern of thought that exists in my life, and our society as a whole:
"What have you done for me lately?"
At some point those teams thought "You're skills are what we need. Here's millions of dollars, will you bring us a trophy?" And while it took different periods of time, the eventual response was uniform: "you're fired."

 My opinion is that we all have different things in our life like those coaches. At one point, we looked at that team, shirt, car, person or activity and said "You're it" and then in a manner of time, found that to be unsatisfying and concluded similarly, "you're fired." Then continues the cycle of new job, car, friend, hobby and ensuing shopping trip to find the "new one." (I can elaborate so clearly because these are my issues)

This afternoon, I was reading the book of Jonah. If this isn't the craziest story you'll ever read in your lifetime, contact me, I'd love to hear something more outrageous. If you have forgotten or didn't attend Sunday School as a child, Jonah, the less than impressive main character, runs from God, is thrown in the sea, is swallowed by a massive fish and is spit onto the ground. And the story gets better from there but I'll let you read it. 
But my point is that Jonah was in the middle of finding what made him happy. As a believer, I believe and have experienced that the most joyful and satisfying life possible is in obedience to God. Jonah supports this perspective and shares the two ways this comes about:
1. by life's circumstances pointing to a greater hope, a forced transition
2. or by experiencing that God alone can satisfy, an unforced transition

See, Jonah fell through the water after being thrown overboard by his comrades (verse 3) and he then knew he made the wrong decision. His choices led to this unsatisfactory position, the same way we all can end up distraught when circumstances are unsatisfying. I'm the same way. When I buy a Braum's vanilla mix with butterfinger in it, I hope for resolution from a tough day. Sometimes it works, but more often, I still have the problem I had pre-butterfinger mix. I'm forced to look for something else to satisfy me.

Jonah, in all of his mess, points to one of the greatest truths in life, a solution to the mess of what will satisfy and he says it very plainly in verse 8:
"Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs."
I don't read interpret anything unreasonable from this text other than the truth that when I cling to these things, people, free time and status, I forfeit the grace, the unmerited gift that could be mine: satisfaction in God.
As your thinking about the new year, please join in me resolving to eat better, read more, spend less and be a better person. But most importantly, try to understand with me that no matter how many things you accomplish, it's only God, His love and salvation that can please us.
Happy New Year!

Also, here's a picture of my adorable niece Anistyn with her new pink jumprope. Such a sweet babe

hard to be content

Recently, I was thinking back a few years and thought about what i really wanted at that time in life. Here's what that short list consisted of:

1. a finance degree
2. an undisputed, resolved situation with a girl 
3. close dude friends
4. to build something wooden

I remember thinking "if i can just have these things.. life will be incredible." I was in the middle of accounting courses, unsettled, transitioning relationships and a lack of masculinity formed by years of watching romantic comedies. There existed in my heart obstacles that robbed me of any real contentment in life. 
I had a fantastic conversation with my friend Newman a couple weekends ago about this and I felt like sharing what we thought through.

I think something we all have in common is the idea that "if that could be done.." then life will be fulfilling.

This could be blown out of proportion b/c I'm a task oriented person with numerous to do lists to pacify my need to feel accomplished, but I've now replaced the list from a few years ago with a new 4 point list with other tasks that will be completed in the next 6-8 months. I often find my thoughts gravitating to this four point list of objectives and it produces in me a sense of urgency and robs me of joy in that time.

The pattern I see is that it's a never ending cycle that could possibly prevent me from ever arriving somewhere I can find rest.

I tend to get really excited or nervous when I think about the chance to complete these tasks or get anxious when I see the potential for them to go unfulfilled.
As surely you understand where i'm going with these thoughts, my two part solution will hopefully arrive just in a timely manner.

1. Remember how this went down before 

I was out mowing yards yesterday and I remembered how just a couple of summers ago, I had some hard things with my job and the deja vu of mowing yards in the midst of difficulty took me back to that time. It seems like in the Bible something the Old Testament always talks about is how God wants Israel to remember how he brought them out of slavery. 

"Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and the Lord your God redeemed you from there." Deuteronomy 24:18

It just makes so much sense that if you can remember the precedent of who God is and how he's previously interacted with you in regard to a situation, it will dramatically affect how you feel about your current situation. When I thought about how God took care of me a few summers before, I just felt a ton of peace and rest in knowing that I'll be ok. Remembering God's strength and faithfulness produces faith and contentment and a great love for God. Pretty key for me in dealing with current life situations.

2. Godliness with contentment is great gain 

This passage from 1 Timothy 6:6 points to something different in my mind. Godliness implies a character and nature similar to God, implying a pretty comprehensive list of qualities are present. I think what this passage is saying is best seen by what wouldn't be true. If I'm not trying to live a godly life, behave in outright rebellion with a variety of habitual sins and have no desire to change, contentment and peace that God gives will most likely be absent. I know for me as a Christian, it's such a place of unrest when I'm behaving in a way that doesn't please God. 

I think what Paul wants you and I to hear is that if you're living a godly life, just enjoying fellowship with God and have a faithfulness to the tasks He has for your life, there's a rest in contentment in that godliness.

I hope you're having a great summer friends!

.

how/why i got engaged

Somehow, I talked an incredible, godly young woman into taking a ring and promising that she'll marry me. The entire engagement process has been one of the most encouraging things I've ever experienced, just from awesome friends and family encouraging and affirming me along the way and the overwhelmingly positive response from everybody else. I highly recommend getting engaged. I can't begin to explain the journey that it's been, but I can show you how I asked her!

A brief primer: 

From March 16th to 25th, my ex-girlfriend (current fiance), and I went to a conference that the organization we work for puts on down in Panama City Beach, Florida! We went with a few of our good friends and after having a really great time at the conference, we came to our last night on the trip. We had discussed celebrating our "year and a half anniversary" of dating in Florida and boy did we!

If you look closely, you can see the town of Seaside. If you haven't heard of this little town, it's just beautiful. It's the actually the town where the movie "The Truman Show" starring Jim Carrey was filmed! My friend Weston and I went to scout it out late one night, walked on the beach and knew it was the place. It was an incredible option for our special evening. 

We sat down to a nice dinner at a local place called Bud and Alley's for dinner, the sunset somewhere in the background. After declining dessert, we headed out for a stroll on the beach as the sun set!

As we walked in the sand, unknown to Gabby, 3 of our friends were setting up the scene for her engagement, consisting of pictures from our relationship, journal entries, passages of Scripture and what seemed like enough tea candles to land a plane on the Seaside beach. As the sunset faded into the distance we walked up on the picturesque scene with a few other onlookers that were politely asked to move along. This is what you would have seen as a spectator:

While what was communicated there will remain private, I walked her through all the different things in our relationship that had moved me to this point. Different scenes, teachings, comments made by close friends and mentors, all that had led me up to that evening. After I had stated my case the best that I could, I popped the question with about 75% confidence that I would achieve the desirable answer! And to my heart's delight, she said yes. It was one of the most unforgettable experiences of my life and I'm so grateful that she gave the answer that she did. There were no unforeseen hurdles, day of calamities or anything along those lines, just a completely unsuspecting bride to be and a guy that couldn't be more blessed. 

The only other thing I think I would share in this context is just how I came to the conclusion that I did. I think that there were 2 main things that really moved me along in this process and I'm incredibly grateful that they were both there: 

1. The grace displayed in the context of our relationship, primarily from her. 

Gabby and I have known each other for somewhere in the neighborhood of 4 years now, while we both attended the same Vacation Bible School as children, and the thing that most attracted me to her, among countless others, was the unmerited favor that she consistently showed me. This looked different over time but it primarily consisted of sincere belief in me as a young man, forgiveness in my numerous short comings in relation to her and an undying care for me. I know that this example stirs from her relationship with God and I still can't believe that I found someone with that type of heart towards me. 

2. A correct perception of what marriage is, and what it's not. 

As a young man, I'm very familiar with the ideology of marriage as "the death of fun". Interacting with many college students, I'm well versed in the perception of the "old ball and chain". My view now stands that they either
1. haven't met the young woman that will completely change that or
2. they don't understand why marriage was created.
Let me confess that I don't have the slightest clue how it works or practically how I will go about doing that, but I see in the Bible that in Genesis 2:18 that God's heart was broken for Adam on his own. That it wasn't good for him to remain there for 2 reasons:
1. he was created for the fellowship of a partner and
2. his design can only be fully realized in relationship with a wife.

I know that men can be just fine on their own! The apostle Paul was one of the most influential people in history, but in the book The Masculine Mandate, a pastor I really agree with wrote that 'God looks at young men with all the empty pizza boxes, overdue video games and futon couches and says, "this isn't good."' I'm most sympathetic to the young men out there looking for a wife. Not for someone to do their laundry or to take care of them like a second mom, but for someone they can love, which means to serve, care for and protect, while enjoying the close intimacy the marriage bond provides for. 

And I thank God that He's in the process of providing me with far greater than I ever could have asked for or imagined.