speaking dad

after spending the better part of the last decade trying to understand the reasoning/motivations/true meaning of interactions with my dad, i feel i have stumbled onto some helpful observations. translating the dialect that is fatherish and understanding the significance of comments and actions should probably be taken as a foreign language. here we go:

a. "do you want to go get patio furniture?"

sure, it's not likely that you'll have a heart to heart conversation at lowe's. nor is it likely that your advice will be strongly considered in the process but what's significant about this seemingly pointless trip is that you are spending 4o+ minutes in transit, meandering around the home and garden store and assembling the new acquisition. but what's so sweet to see from this encounter is the ministry of presence in the relationship. by them asking and you accepting, there's a point of mutual acceptance, a state of "we want to be around each other". as a christian, i can see how my heavenly Father just wants to be with me. look at luke 15. it's packed full of lost "somethings" and the joyous finding of them. you ever get excited to find something you didn't really care about losing? like that sock you find in your couch cushions? naww, because it wasn't precious to have. not like your form of livelihood, a portion of your income or your son.

b. stereotypical conversation involving rebuking or correction

this conversation can't get over with soon enough. it seems meaningless, in that we who have parents who care enough to make us aware of our transgressions have already felt the weight of wronging and letting them down and have resolved to fix the problem with all due effort. but block out the next 15min-2hours to get some lip service about making sure you're aware of that. while this is the most painful, it's more loving then we know.

"because the LORD disciplines those he loves,as a father the son he delights in." proverbs 3:12

i know this is probably the most obvious, but it may be the hardest to remember in the moment.

c.this is more of an intangible: letting you move back home over the summer, giving you that old truck when you turn 16, going to your games for 15+ years, etc.

these are things that i've so often took for granted. so much i look at these things as what's expected, as the norm. not only are we so often provided with what we need (food, shelter) but our parents go above and beyond. as a finance grad, my inclination is to build a spreadsheet full of time value functions to imagine how much of an investment i've been for the past 22 years. the opportunity cost (forgone investments) in investing in my life i'm sure would amount to any combination of a much earlier retirement, sports car, season tickets to the dallas cowboys, okc thunder and the texas rangers, and on and on we go. in these small, compounding situations, i see what has been given for my well being and wants. sleep, money, hobbies, relationships, vacations. granted, i didn't volunteer to be born. but when our parents had us, they were handed the opportunity to sacrifice themselves. 1 john 3:16 says that "this is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.."

it's so easy to focus on what we don't have and to want more, to want what others have. but to read between the lines and see all of the great love, time and foregone opportunity that has been invested in our lives, this will certainly impact the way we perceive the mustache wearing, recliner dweller. i'm not saying he's perfect, or even that he doesn't mess up, even consistently, but enjoy the blessing that he is and take a second or third look to see what's really going on. i'm learning there's more ways they communicate their feelings than with three consecutive words on occassion.