Nobody told me about this part

Saturday night, I had the privilege of seeing a legend in concert, George Strait. It was definitely a woman's show (he was accompanied by miss Martina McBride, see This One's for the Girls) but it was still fantastic. Any time you can see a performer that has 58 (!) #1 songs, it's at least worth checking out what all the fuss is about. I don't think I've ever cheered so loud for a senior citizen before that night.





His show was a nice compilation of his early songs from the late 70's all the way to his soon to be released album, but one particular jam caught me in my tracks. Titled "A Showman's Life", it's one of your typical downtrodden country songs, covering an unforeseen, unfortunate experience about where life had led him.

Something you might have inferred form the title, the song is about the life of a famous musician and his life on tour. Here's a sample of how it goes:

"They told me all about the pretty girls and the wine and the money and the good times
There's no mention of all the wear and tear on an old honky tonker's heart. Well I might have known it
But nobody told me about this part"

In regard to the music industry, this thought seems to be pretty standard. Months and months away from home, living on a bus and various hotel rooms would be pretty glamorous and exciting life initially but I think it would catch up to a guy.

With that being said, that definitely seems to be the goal for most musicians, or at very least a byproduct of that goal. I can comprehend the appeal of fame, that's not missed on me. George alluded to how much he would miss 20,000 people screaming and cheering to hear him perform. But that line sticks with me, "nobody told me about this part."
   


I think this probably applies to what you and I desire. I can list of 3,4 things that I would love to accomplish or advance to. A higher paying position, a big nice house with a study, a nice large shop for my new woodworking equipment and an MBA to name a few. George refers to these as "pretty girls, the money and the wine". But I think George is trying to tell us something.

What would it be like if I actually had those things?
Or more specifically, what part is somebody not telling me about?

I spend a good amount of time thinking and a few dollars of my money looking to acquire the things I yearn for and the pleasures and glories attached.
But what wisdom and inferences can I make from "A Showman's Life"?

I think the old adage "with great power comes great responsibility" is probably very true. A lower paying, less significant job has very little pressure and responsibility attached, as does a mortgage with property taxes and housing insurance. By no means am I advocating that I want to stay where I am vocationally or residentially, but I think there's a sense of idealizing that occurs with the things we'd like to have. That when that gets here, it'll fix my problems.
I don't want to let the air out of anybody's tires, achieve your dreams and work hard to arrive. I'm just 25, I haven't lived life hardly at all. But I want us to listen to what Papa George (age 60) has to say, there's parts to that dream you may not have been told about.

how expensive is love?

gosh i love a good "animal friends" picture.

"You may as well give her your bass boat, hunting equipment, fry daddy and put your wallet on top and give it to her, because that's what it could cost you. If it doesn't cost you, it isn't love."
Last night, my beautiful bride and I were listening to a talk on marriage and the rustic, proverbially wise speaker shared the previous statement. Note: This was not in reference to a divorce settlement but rather in reference to what it takes to love another well.

The statement was absolute: if love is to be given, there will be a cost. I know that love is a choice, whether we're aware of it or not, to give preference to another person.

But this statement provoked a new facet, a new definition to my understanding of love. Does love always have to cost someone? Does it require time or money, emotion or strength, or simply effort to do that? 

I'm not an economist but I can remember from my college days the concept of "Marginal Benefit", something that will drive someone to give a resource.
Marginal Benefit is defined as:
The maximum amount a consumer is willing to pay to consume the additional unit of a good or service. In a normal situation, the marginal benefit will decrease as consumption increases.

This tells me that human nature is to continue to pay, to consume, as long as it's beneficial. Applying this principal to human relationships, why would someone love, chose to sacrifice on a consistent basis for another person?  How is that always beneficial for the lover (lovee)? And what's the limit on this? I suppose consumption, paying, loving would stop when the benefit is exhausted.  I know human intentions are impossible to interpret but I know that their is a perceived benefit in everything we do.

I don't know if I've really made a conclusion here, but I know that I claim to love many people and I don't know what it's costing me. What does it cost you to love others? I can see a correlation in my life between the people I've made effort for, and have made effort for me and the significance of those relationships or lack thereof.
The question I'm thinking on is "who do I want to love?" Who am I willing to absorb the cost for to communicate to them that I love them? I hope this doesn't exhaust you and I, but I think I say I love people but I haven't been absorbing a cost to do so.
I know that one of the most beautiful spiritual principles I've ever seen is that God's kindness draws me to repentance (Romans 2:4). That Him absorbing the cost initially to communicate love to me, to communicate His feelings towards me is the most motivating truth I'm aware of. I find motivation to love God and others from this, regardless of what I currently perceive about their feelings towards me.
What motivates you to love others?

Black Monday

This past Monday was "Black Monday" in the National Football League, and this wasn't a sequel to the holiday "Black Friday" sales from late November. 7 head coaches and their, I don't know, 15 person staffs (minimum) were told to seek new forms of employment after not winning enough football games. Some had worked for a team for only 2 years (Cleveland's Pat Shurmur) but some had worked for a team for 10+ years (Philly's Andy Reid, Chicago's Lovie Smith).


It's just an unfortunate part of that industry and while I think it's sad, it reveals to me a pattern of thought that exists in my life, and our society as a whole:
"What have you done for me lately?"
At some point those teams thought "You're skills are what we need. Here's millions of dollars, will you bring us a trophy?" And while it took different periods of time, the eventual response was uniform: "you're fired."

 My opinion is that we all have different things in our life like those coaches. At one point, we looked at that team, shirt, car, person or activity and said "You're it" and then in a manner of time, found that to be unsatisfying and concluded similarly, "you're fired." Then continues the cycle of new job, car, friend, hobby and ensuing shopping trip to find the "new one." (I can elaborate so clearly because these are my issues)

This afternoon, I was reading the book of Jonah. If this isn't the craziest story you'll ever read in your lifetime, contact me, I'd love to hear something more outrageous. If you have forgotten or didn't attend Sunday School as a child, Jonah, the less than impressive main character, runs from God, is thrown in the sea, is swallowed by a massive fish and is spit onto the ground. And the story gets better from there but I'll let you read it. 
But my point is that Jonah was in the middle of finding what made him happy. As a believer, I believe and have experienced that the most joyful and satisfying life possible is in obedience to God. Jonah supports this perspective and shares the two ways this comes about:
1. by life's circumstances pointing to a greater hope, a forced transition
2. or by experiencing that God alone can satisfy, an unforced transition

See, Jonah fell through the water after being thrown overboard by his comrades (verse 3) and he then knew he made the wrong decision. His choices led to this unsatisfactory position, the same way we all can end up distraught when circumstances are unsatisfying. I'm the same way. When I buy a Braum's vanilla mix with butterfinger in it, I hope for resolution from a tough day. Sometimes it works, but more often, I still have the problem I had pre-butterfinger mix. I'm forced to look for something else to satisfy me.

Jonah, in all of his mess, points to one of the greatest truths in life, a solution to the mess of what will satisfy and he says it very plainly in verse 8:
"Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs."
I don't read interpret anything unreasonable from this text other than the truth that when I cling to these things, people, free time and status, I forfeit the grace, the unmerited gift that could be mine: satisfaction in God.
As your thinking about the new year, please join in me resolving to eat better, read more, spend less and be a better person. But most importantly, try to understand with me that no matter how many things you accomplish, it's only God, His love and salvation that can please us.
Happy New Year!

Also, here's a picture of my adorable niece Anistyn with her new pink jumprope. Such a sweet babe

hard to be content

Recently, I was thinking back a few years and thought about what i really wanted at that time in life. Here's what that short list consisted of:

1. a finance degree
2. an undisputed, resolved situation with a girl 
3. close dude friends
4. to build something wooden

I remember thinking "if i can just have these things.. life will be incredible." I was in the middle of accounting courses, unsettled, transitioning relationships and a lack of masculinity formed by years of watching romantic comedies. There existed in my heart obstacles that robbed me of any real contentment in life. 
I had a fantastic conversation with my friend Newman a couple weekends ago about this and I felt like sharing what we thought through.

I think something we all have in common is the idea that "if that could be done.." then life will be fulfilling.

This could be blown out of proportion b/c I'm a task oriented person with numerous to do lists to pacify my need to feel accomplished, but I've now replaced the list from a few years ago with a new 4 point list with other tasks that will be completed in the next 6-8 months. I often find my thoughts gravitating to this four point list of objectives and it produces in me a sense of urgency and robs me of joy in that time.

The pattern I see is that it's a never ending cycle that could possibly prevent me from ever arriving somewhere I can find rest.

I tend to get really excited or nervous when I think about the chance to complete these tasks or get anxious when I see the potential for them to go unfulfilled.
As surely you understand where i'm going with these thoughts, my two part solution will hopefully arrive just in a timely manner.

1. Remember how this went down before 

I was out mowing yards yesterday and I remembered how just a couple of summers ago, I had some hard things with my job and the deja vu of mowing yards in the midst of difficulty took me back to that time. It seems like in the Bible something the Old Testament always talks about is how God wants Israel to remember how he brought them out of slavery. 

"Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and the Lord your God redeemed you from there." Deuteronomy 24:18

It just makes so much sense that if you can remember the precedent of who God is and how he's previously interacted with you in regard to a situation, it will dramatically affect how you feel about your current situation. When I thought about how God took care of me a few summers before, I just felt a ton of peace and rest in knowing that I'll be ok. Remembering God's strength and faithfulness produces faith and contentment and a great love for God. Pretty key for me in dealing with current life situations.

2. Godliness with contentment is great gain 

This passage from 1 Timothy 6:6 points to something different in my mind. Godliness implies a character and nature similar to God, implying a pretty comprehensive list of qualities are present. I think what this passage is saying is best seen by what wouldn't be true. If I'm not trying to live a godly life, behave in outright rebellion with a variety of habitual sins and have no desire to change, contentment and peace that God gives will most likely be absent. I know for me as a Christian, it's such a place of unrest when I'm behaving in a way that doesn't please God. 

I think what Paul wants you and I to hear is that if you're living a godly life, just enjoying fellowship with God and have a faithfulness to the tasks He has for your life, there's a rest in contentment in that godliness.

I hope you're having a great summer friends!

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how/why i got engaged

Somehow, I talked an incredible, godly young woman into taking a ring and promising that she'll marry me. The entire engagement process has been one of the most encouraging things I've ever experienced, just from awesome friends and family encouraging and affirming me along the way and the overwhelmingly positive response from everybody else. I highly recommend getting engaged. I can't begin to explain the journey that it's been, but I can show you how I asked her!

A brief primer: 

From March 16th to 25th, my ex-girlfriend (current fiance), and I went to a conference that the organization we work for puts on down in Panama City Beach, Florida! We went with a few of our good friends and after having a really great time at the conference, we came to our last night on the trip. We had discussed celebrating our "year and a half anniversary" of dating in Florida and boy did we!

If you look closely, you can see the town of Seaside. If you haven't heard of this little town, it's just beautiful. It's the actually the town where the movie "The Truman Show" starring Jim Carrey was filmed! My friend Weston and I went to scout it out late one night, walked on the beach and knew it was the place. It was an incredible option for our special evening. 

We sat down to a nice dinner at a local place called Bud and Alley's for dinner, the sunset somewhere in the background. After declining dessert, we headed out for a stroll on the beach as the sun set!

As we walked in the sand, unknown to Gabby, 3 of our friends were setting up the scene for her engagement, consisting of pictures from our relationship, journal entries, passages of Scripture and what seemed like enough tea candles to land a plane on the Seaside beach. As the sunset faded into the distance we walked up on the picturesque scene with a few other onlookers that were politely asked to move along. This is what you would have seen as a spectator:

While what was communicated there will remain private, I walked her through all the different things in our relationship that had moved me to this point. Different scenes, teachings, comments made by close friends and mentors, all that had led me up to that evening. After I had stated my case the best that I could, I popped the question with about 75% confidence that I would achieve the desirable answer! And to my heart's delight, she said yes. It was one of the most unforgettable experiences of my life and I'm so grateful that she gave the answer that she did. There were no unforeseen hurdles, day of calamities or anything along those lines, just a completely unsuspecting bride to be and a guy that couldn't be more blessed. 

The only other thing I think I would share in this context is just how I came to the conclusion that I did. I think that there were 2 main things that really moved me along in this process and I'm incredibly grateful that they were both there: 

1. The grace displayed in the context of our relationship, primarily from her. 

Gabby and I have known each other for somewhere in the neighborhood of 4 years now, while we both attended the same Vacation Bible School as children, and the thing that most attracted me to her, among countless others, was the unmerited favor that she consistently showed me. This looked different over time but it primarily consisted of sincere belief in me as a young man, forgiveness in my numerous short comings in relation to her and an undying care for me. I know that this example stirs from her relationship with God and I still can't believe that I found someone with that type of heart towards me. 

2. A correct perception of what marriage is, and what it's not. 

As a young man, I'm very familiar with the ideology of marriage as "the death of fun". Interacting with many college students, I'm well versed in the perception of the "old ball and chain". My view now stands that they either
1. haven't met the young woman that will completely change that or
2. they don't understand why marriage was created.
Let me confess that I don't have the slightest clue how it works or practically how I will go about doing that, but I see in the Bible that in Genesis 2:18 that God's heart was broken for Adam on his own. That it wasn't good for him to remain there for 2 reasons:
1. he was created for the fellowship of a partner and
2. his design can only be fully realized in relationship with a wife.

I know that men can be just fine on their own! The apostle Paul was one of the most influential people in history, but in the book The Masculine Mandate, a pastor I really agree with wrote that 'God looks at young men with all the empty pizza boxes, overdue video games and futon couches and says, "this isn't good."' I'm most sympathetic to the young men out there looking for a wife. Not for someone to do their laundry or to take care of them like a second mom, but for someone they can love, which means to serve, care for and protect, while enjoying the close intimacy the marriage bond provides for. 

And I thank God that He's in the process of providing me with far greater than I ever could have asked for or imagined. 

masculine review of "the vow"

i don't know if this is possible to do, but i felt it was necessary to give light to a masculine perception of the newest "girl movie". since it's opening on feb 10th, the movie has grossed a lot of money. i think it goes without saying that a majority of those viewers were women, but this guy went to see it too and i want to share my thoughts on the movie. i've never pretended like i have a great taste in what makes a good movie, but i think you could read what critics have to say if you're interested in a perspective that's highly educated about films. 


i'll start with the pro's: 


-SPOILER ALERT: it was a feel good story. everybody seemingly ended up with who they were supposed to be with and the toolbag ex boyfriend ended up with nobody. everybody loves that. 

-it made me want to buy a low rise apartment in a big city, find a really sweet job doing something i'm passionate about and take my "rachel mccadams" with me. in my mind, growing up in a small town, being a city has always just seemed sketchy, smoggy and honestly, very unappealing. great to visit, but only for long enough to miss a smaller city, town or suburb. a combination of an incredible talk by a gospel centered, urban minded pastor and the appeal of the city i saw in this movie has me itching to leave my rural routes for the time being. 


-most obviously, i was really challenged by leo (channing tatum). sure, he's a physical specimen and i'll continue to work out more faithfully as a result of seeing the movie, but the most admirable quality i saw in this seemingly fictional character is how 1) how much he initiated and pursued his wife and 2) the degree of perseverance he displayed in doing so. regardless of how much it seemed unfair to him, he pursued and cherished and loved his wife. i have my reservations about what was portrayed in this movie, but as a man, i was challenged by this projection of a man that was so quick to deny himself, vocationally, personally and relationally to pursue the heart of his betrothed.  


something i like to do when i watch movies is think about how it relates to my relationship with God. probably my favorite quality to see in a movie is a character denying themselves for the benefit of another with no expectation in return, or defined in a biblical sense, the word "love." leo's patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control all portrayed to his unknowing bride how he really feels about her, all for the sake of being in relationship. my sweetheart pointed out that he points us to the character and nature of the God that we both know as Christians, and i really value that observation. 
a key characteristic in my relationship with God, probably the one that has drawn me to God the most over time is this from Romans 2:4


"Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?"


that God loves me so much and it leads me to desire to change my ways, thoughts, ways i spend my time and money, to be more honoring to him.


to complete my review, i think i have to share a key reservation that i have about this movie. 
-i'm coming a little strong when i say that $85 million worth of people saw nearly 2 hours of "santa clause" on the screen. you know what i mean? sadly, "leo" is too good to be true outside of the person of Jesus Christ. something really great is that a good number of those people understand that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" romans 3:23, and that they could have been reminded of the perfection and undying love for the world that God has so clearly displayed for us. 

but my fear is for some of those that didn't bring in that perspective, and for the others that have no idea who Jesus is. that when they go back to their boyfriend, husband or any other male in their life, they will build this expectation, this hope, this false sense of reality that maybe an earthly man could compare to the fictional, cinematic character. that bitterness, a lack of appreciation and unfair expectation for who these guys should be would ensue from this sense of entitlement for their own personal "leo". don't get me wrong, i believe men were created for and should absolutely strive to die to themselves for their wives but for support of this potential bitterness, i attached an article of what i would perceive to be a way that girls can feel without that pursuit.  

i could be over thinking this whole situation but i think there's a reason why women line up in droves to see the "twilights" and "insert Nicholas Sparks novel turned movie here." i know that women are created differently than me, thoughts and desires and i'm in no way implying that there's anything wrong with looking forward to a husband or enjoying a good story, please don't hear that. i won't pretend, nor be so prideful, to think that i understand the female mind, but what i think is true is they desire love, a perfect, unconditional pursuit and valuing of their hearts. as a man, i'm completely aware of my sinfulness and inability to attain that level of perfection and my hope and desire is that everyone, myself, men and women would see that we can't find that love in a person here. 

disclaimer: i won't pretend like i, and my entire gender, don't have our laundry list of issues, specifically pride, selfishness, idolatry and lastly, idealizing in our relationships with women as well. 

new year's resolutions

i've discovered that the key to selecting good new year's resolutions are three fold:

simple, attainable, short term. i know that sounds fairly insignificant, but i achieved all 3 of my goals by groundhog day... just sayin. this update wasn't for me to brag, but to expose an idea of continual evaluation and goal setting. i'll use my goals for example: 

i removed the name of my partner in crime to provide a small amount of anonymity, but i wanted to focus more on what i "brought to the table", no pun intended. (we wrote our goals on our dinner table!). 

all bad jokes aside, i think i'm on to something. here were my goals: 

1. "laugh more, less 'i knows'"

this goal was a relational one, in that i just wanted to laugh more and enjoy life, while removing an element of pride, conversationally saying "i know", which just means I would value others   conversationally more. this has been fairly easy to do with an honest effort. 

2. "investing more in nonbelievers"

as a christian, i tend to spend time with people who understand and deeply value the things i do. also, i know that God's put the call on my life to bring His message of salvation to people who don't know Him. i think sometimes people feel like that's an awkward perception, but really i just wanted to be more intentional in spending time with people that i love that don't know God very well or at all. it's gone pretty well. 

3. "build 3 woodworked objects"

this goal was unashamedly a push to become more masculine in a lumberjack kind of way. honestly, i don't want to be 30 and not know how to construct basic things that could be asked of me at that phase in life. i just feel such a sense of accomplishment both a.) looking at things i've built and b.) knowing i have the ability to build things.  with the help of some incredible friends (thanks patrick and chase!) here's a few of my works of art: 

i really enjoyed doing these projects with my friends and being less prideful in conversations, but what i wanted to start to achieve with these goals was to be 1) more relational 2) more spiritually mature and 3) more of the man that i want to be someday. while these goals are small in nature, they're steps in the direction to achieve a vision of the kind of man that i hope to be someday.
so what i wanted to ask you is who you want to be someday. this next week, i'm hoping to talk with the spring pledge class of my fraternity and the 2 questions i want to ask them are both who do you want to be someday and what do you want to do with your life.
i think it's important that we have a vision, both in general and some specific ideas about who want to be someday, so that we can take small steps to be that person someday. my desire is to be a faithful steward of the life i've been given and i hope that the few things i share can help you to do the same.

happy short term goal setting friends!

titus helped hold down the tarp, what a guy.