hard to be content

Recently, I was thinking back a few years and thought about what i really wanted at that time in life. Here's what that short list consisted of:

1. a finance degree
2. an undisputed, resolved situation with a girl 
3. close dude friends
4. to build something wooden

I remember thinking "if i can just have these things.. life will be incredible." I was in the middle of accounting courses, unsettled, transitioning relationships and a lack of masculinity formed by years of watching romantic comedies. There existed in my heart obstacles that robbed me of any real contentment in life. 
I had a fantastic conversation with my friend Newman a couple weekends ago about this and I felt like sharing what we thought through.

I think something we all have in common is the idea that "if that could be done.." then life will be fulfilling.

This could be blown out of proportion b/c I'm a task oriented person with numerous to do lists to pacify my need to feel accomplished, but I've now replaced the list from a few years ago with a new 4 point list with other tasks that will be completed in the next 6-8 months. I often find my thoughts gravitating to this four point list of objectives and it produces in me a sense of urgency and robs me of joy in that time.

The pattern I see is that it's a never ending cycle that could possibly prevent me from ever arriving somewhere I can find rest.

I tend to get really excited or nervous when I think about the chance to complete these tasks or get anxious when I see the potential for them to go unfulfilled.
As surely you understand where i'm going with these thoughts, my two part solution will hopefully arrive just in a timely manner.

1. Remember how this went down before 

I was out mowing yards yesterday and I remembered how just a couple of summers ago, I had some hard things with my job and the deja vu of mowing yards in the midst of difficulty took me back to that time. It seems like in the Bible something the Old Testament always talks about is how God wants Israel to remember how he brought them out of slavery. 

"Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and the Lord your God redeemed you from there." Deuteronomy 24:18

It just makes so much sense that if you can remember the precedent of who God is and how he's previously interacted with you in regard to a situation, it will dramatically affect how you feel about your current situation. When I thought about how God took care of me a few summers before, I just felt a ton of peace and rest in knowing that I'll be ok. Remembering God's strength and faithfulness produces faith and contentment and a great love for God. Pretty key for me in dealing with current life situations.

2. Godliness with contentment is great gain 

This passage from 1 Timothy 6:6 points to something different in my mind. Godliness implies a character and nature similar to God, implying a pretty comprehensive list of qualities are present. I think what this passage is saying is best seen by what wouldn't be true. If I'm not trying to live a godly life, behave in outright rebellion with a variety of habitual sins and have no desire to change, contentment and peace that God gives will most likely be absent. I know for me as a Christian, it's such a place of unrest when I'm behaving in a way that doesn't please God. 

I think what Paul wants you and I to hear is that if you're living a godly life, just enjoying fellowship with God and have a faithfulness to the tasks He has for your life, there's a rest in contentment in that godliness.

I hope you're having a great summer friends!

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how/why i got engaged

Somehow, I talked an incredible, godly young woman into taking a ring and promising that she'll marry me. The entire engagement process has been one of the most encouraging things I've ever experienced, just from awesome friends and family encouraging and affirming me along the way and the overwhelmingly positive response from everybody else. I highly recommend getting engaged. I can't begin to explain the journey that it's been, but I can show you how I asked her!

A brief primer: 

From March 16th to 25th, my ex-girlfriend (current fiance), and I went to a conference that the organization we work for puts on down in Panama City Beach, Florida! We went with a few of our good friends and after having a really great time at the conference, we came to our last night on the trip. We had discussed celebrating our "year and a half anniversary" of dating in Florida and boy did we!

If you look closely, you can see the town of Seaside. If you haven't heard of this little town, it's just beautiful. It's the actually the town where the movie "The Truman Show" starring Jim Carrey was filmed! My friend Weston and I went to scout it out late one night, walked on the beach and knew it was the place. It was an incredible option for our special evening. 

We sat down to a nice dinner at a local place called Bud and Alley's for dinner, the sunset somewhere in the background. After declining dessert, we headed out for a stroll on the beach as the sun set!

As we walked in the sand, unknown to Gabby, 3 of our friends were setting up the scene for her engagement, consisting of pictures from our relationship, journal entries, passages of Scripture and what seemed like enough tea candles to land a plane on the Seaside beach. As the sunset faded into the distance we walked up on the picturesque scene with a few other onlookers that were politely asked to move along. This is what you would have seen as a spectator:

While what was communicated there will remain private, I walked her through all the different things in our relationship that had moved me to this point. Different scenes, teachings, comments made by close friends and mentors, all that had led me up to that evening. After I had stated my case the best that I could, I popped the question with about 75% confidence that I would achieve the desirable answer! And to my heart's delight, she said yes. It was one of the most unforgettable experiences of my life and I'm so grateful that she gave the answer that she did. There were no unforeseen hurdles, day of calamities or anything along those lines, just a completely unsuspecting bride to be and a guy that couldn't be more blessed. 

The only other thing I think I would share in this context is just how I came to the conclusion that I did. I think that there were 2 main things that really moved me along in this process and I'm incredibly grateful that they were both there: 

1. The grace displayed in the context of our relationship, primarily from her. 

Gabby and I have known each other for somewhere in the neighborhood of 4 years now, while we both attended the same Vacation Bible School as children, and the thing that most attracted me to her, among countless others, was the unmerited favor that she consistently showed me. This looked different over time but it primarily consisted of sincere belief in me as a young man, forgiveness in my numerous short comings in relation to her and an undying care for me. I know that this example stirs from her relationship with God and I still can't believe that I found someone with that type of heart towards me. 

2. A correct perception of what marriage is, and what it's not. 

As a young man, I'm very familiar with the ideology of marriage as "the death of fun". Interacting with many college students, I'm well versed in the perception of the "old ball and chain". My view now stands that they either
1. haven't met the young woman that will completely change that or
2. they don't understand why marriage was created.
Let me confess that I don't have the slightest clue how it works or practically how I will go about doing that, but I see in the Bible that in Genesis 2:18 that God's heart was broken for Adam on his own. That it wasn't good for him to remain there for 2 reasons:
1. he was created for the fellowship of a partner and
2. his design can only be fully realized in relationship with a wife.

I know that men can be just fine on their own! The apostle Paul was one of the most influential people in history, but in the book The Masculine Mandate, a pastor I really agree with wrote that 'God looks at young men with all the empty pizza boxes, overdue video games and futon couches and says, "this isn't good."' I'm most sympathetic to the young men out there looking for a wife. Not for someone to do their laundry or to take care of them like a second mom, but for someone they can love, which means to serve, care for and protect, while enjoying the close intimacy the marriage bond provides for. 

And I thank God that He's in the process of providing me with far greater than I ever could have asked for or imagined. 

masculine review of "the vow"

i don't know if this is possible to do, but i felt it was necessary to give light to a masculine perception of the newest "girl movie". since it's opening on feb 10th, the movie has grossed a lot of money. i think it goes without saying that a majority of those viewers were women, but this guy went to see it too and i want to share my thoughts on the movie. i've never pretended like i have a great taste in what makes a good movie, but i think you could read what critics have to say if you're interested in a perspective that's highly educated about films. 


i'll start with the pro's: 


-SPOILER ALERT: it was a feel good story. everybody seemingly ended up with who they were supposed to be with and the toolbag ex boyfriend ended up with nobody. everybody loves that. 

-it made me want to buy a low rise apartment in a big city, find a really sweet job doing something i'm passionate about and take my "rachel mccadams" with me. in my mind, growing up in a small town, being a city has always just seemed sketchy, smoggy and honestly, very unappealing. great to visit, but only for long enough to miss a smaller city, town or suburb. a combination of an incredible talk by a gospel centered, urban minded pastor and the appeal of the city i saw in this movie has me itching to leave my rural routes for the time being. 


-most obviously, i was really challenged by leo (channing tatum). sure, he's a physical specimen and i'll continue to work out more faithfully as a result of seeing the movie, but the most admirable quality i saw in this seemingly fictional character is how 1) how much he initiated and pursued his wife and 2) the degree of perseverance he displayed in doing so. regardless of how much it seemed unfair to him, he pursued and cherished and loved his wife. i have my reservations about what was portrayed in this movie, but as a man, i was challenged by this projection of a man that was so quick to deny himself, vocationally, personally and relationally to pursue the heart of his betrothed.  


something i like to do when i watch movies is think about how it relates to my relationship with God. probably my favorite quality to see in a movie is a character denying themselves for the benefit of another with no expectation in return, or defined in a biblical sense, the word "love." leo's patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control all portrayed to his unknowing bride how he really feels about her, all for the sake of being in relationship. my sweetheart pointed out that he points us to the character and nature of the God that we both know as Christians, and i really value that observation. 
a key characteristic in my relationship with God, probably the one that has drawn me to God the most over time is this from Romans 2:4


"Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?"


that God loves me so much and it leads me to desire to change my ways, thoughts, ways i spend my time and money, to be more honoring to him.


to complete my review, i think i have to share a key reservation that i have about this movie. 
-i'm coming a little strong when i say that $85 million worth of people saw nearly 2 hours of "santa clause" on the screen. you know what i mean? sadly, "leo" is too good to be true outside of the person of Jesus Christ. something really great is that a good number of those people understand that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" romans 3:23, and that they could have been reminded of the perfection and undying love for the world that God has so clearly displayed for us. 

but my fear is for some of those that didn't bring in that perspective, and for the others that have no idea who Jesus is. that when they go back to their boyfriend, husband or any other male in their life, they will build this expectation, this hope, this false sense of reality that maybe an earthly man could compare to the fictional, cinematic character. that bitterness, a lack of appreciation and unfair expectation for who these guys should be would ensue from this sense of entitlement for their own personal "leo". don't get me wrong, i believe men were created for and should absolutely strive to die to themselves for their wives but for support of this potential bitterness, i attached an article of what i would perceive to be a way that girls can feel without that pursuit.  

i could be over thinking this whole situation but i think there's a reason why women line up in droves to see the "twilights" and "insert Nicholas Sparks novel turned movie here." i know that women are created differently than me, thoughts and desires and i'm in no way implying that there's anything wrong with looking forward to a husband or enjoying a good story, please don't hear that. i won't pretend, nor be so prideful, to think that i understand the female mind, but what i think is true is they desire love, a perfect, unconditional pursuit and valuing of their hearts. as a man, i'm completely aware of my sinfulness and inability to attain that level of perfection and my hope and desire is that everyone, myself, men and women would see that we can't find that love in a person here. 

disclaimer: i won't pretend like i, and my entire gender, don't have our laundry list of issues, specifically pride, selfishness, idolatry and lastly, idealizing in our relationships with women as well. 

new year's resolutions

i've discovered that the key to selecting good new year's resolutions are three fold:

simple, attainable, short term. i know that sounds fairly insignificant, but i achieved all 3 of my goals by groundhog day... just sayin. this update wasn't for me to brag, but to expose an idea of continual evaluation and goal setting. i'll use my goals for example: 

i removed the name of my partner in crime to provide a small amount of anonymity, but i wanted to focus more on what i "brought to the table", no pun intended. (we wrote our goals on our dinner table!). 

all bad jokes aside, i think i'm on to something. here were my goals: 

1. "laugh more, less 'i knows'"

this goal was a relational one, in that i just wanted to laugh more and enjoy life, while removing an element of pride, conversationally saying "i know", which just means I would value others   conversationally more. this has been fairly easy to do with an honest effort. 

2. "investing more in nonbelievers"

as a christian, i tend to spend time with people who understand and deeply value the things i do. also, i know that God's put the call on my life to bring His message of salvation to people who don't know Him. i think sometimes people feel like that's an awkward perception, but really i just wanted to be more intentional in spending time with people that i love that don't know God very well or at all. it's gone pretty well. 

3. "build 3 woodworked objects"

this goal was unashamedly a push to become more masculine in a lumberjack kind of way. honestly, i don't want to be 30 and not know how to construct basic things that could be asked of me at that phase in life. i just feel such a sense of accomplishment both a.) looking at things i've built and b.) knowing i have the ability to build things.  with the help of some incredible friends (thanks patrick and chase!) here's a few of my works of art: 

i really enjoyed doing these projects with my friends and being less prideful in conversations, but what i wanted to start to achieve with these goals was to be 1) more relational 2) more spiritually mature and 3) more of the man that i want to be someday. while these goals are small in nature, they're steps in the direction to achieve a vision of the kind of man that i hope to be someday.
so what i wanted to ask you is who you want to be someday. this next week, i'm hoping to talk with the spring pledge class of my fraternity and the 2 questions i want to ask them are both who do you want to be someday and what do you want to do with your life.
i think it's important that we have a vision, both in general and some specific ideas about who want to be someday, so that we can take small steps to be that person someday. my desire is to be a faithful steward of the life i've been given and i hope that the few things i share can help you to do the same.

happy short term goal setting friends!

titus helped hold down the tarp, what a guy.