recently, i left behind childhood and became an uncle. jk but for reals approx. 2 weeks, 3days ago it all went down and now there's a sweet little babe that can make a legitimate claim as being the most small and precious person in the entire world and in the wake of her arrival, i'd like to unwind and unpack my thoughts concerning the blessings surrounding "the blessing" and what i'm thinking about the future.
set aside the exclusive uncle's breakfast i now get to attend, the repeated viewings of our picture together that gurantee a smile and just looking forward to a summer filled with many visits as uncle steven, i truthfully had no idea i could learn so much from somebody who is yet to talk and who is so very small (again, blows me away).
an important lesson i've learned is not to view life as random, unorderly events but to realize that, like psalm 139 says, all my days have been ordained and are with purpose and that my Creator gives me things so i can learn more about Him. here's what anistyn's taught me so far:
1. walking requires patience. i'm aware that i'm getting a little bit ahead of myself here but those tiny little feet will put on the smallest pair of converses that i've ever seen someday and she'll start to walk. craaazzy. i can already see my boy david (her pops) holding her hands, full of joy, smiling and laughing, day after day, attempt after attempt, helping her take those first few steps. i know this man and he won't ever at any point say "c'mon girl get your act together. i'd really like to run a marathon with you in may so lace em up and i'll meet ya on the porch in 5... or else." he's patient. our father in heaven everyday watches as we take steps closer to him and when we fall, please don't think he's hacked. he loves us and can't wait for us to get up and take another step.
2. epic games of hide and seek. i'm all about this game lil ones play where they cover their eyes and believe that you can't see them simply because they can't see you. i think it'd be so great if that was true throughout life and if we simply didn't acknowledge our problems that they wouldn't exist. silly right? i do it in my faith everyday. i constantly see the condition of my heart and what is most important in my life and i so often act like it's all ok. i'm a 22 year old covering up my eyes thinking He can't see what's in my life. silllly. oh how i wish i could just readily grasp what he's saying in revelation 3:20 when He's saying He's knocking at the door i just have to open it. don't try and clean up your act, he does that after we accept his love. we should just let him in and see how communing with that love affects life.
3.lastly, how is this baby going to make it? we've got like 5 needs to survive right? food fun water shelter community? she hadn't found her thumb when i left, oh goodness. of course i never really had these worries, why? because she is so dearly loved by her mother and father who will love and provide all of that for her. with them, she would be defenseless and i rarely view my relationship with God in that light. i'll be working on it. it's so beautiful to see these parallels.
on another note, i was in northwestern arkansas, just porching it at about 3am and i had one of those moments. it had just started to rain and that scent came by, ya know the one that old spice and johnson and johnson have been trying to bottle and put in deodorant and body wash for years? they will call it "morning dew" or something much more clever but i got it for free. i was looking over the trees and hills where i'm considering living next year and i just felt a peace in my heart about interning for crusade at the univ of arkansas. it was great, see ya in the fall fayetteville. (80% sure)
i'll finish with this story i've been dwelling on lately. a couple of weeks ago, i heard a story from one of my good friends. he has 2 little boys (and a wife) and he was at mcdonalds with one of his little guys and they were just talking away. the only unusual thing about the situation is that my friend's son is five years old, is autistic and is yet to say his first words. but my boy said that in that moment, he just got it. he dearly loved his son so much that amidst all the awkward stares and the years of heartache, "he got it". just being with his son, even if he can't talk, he loved him. i'll confess i can't grasp this love for somebody else yet. he knew in that moment that if he could love another human that deeply, that God must love him so much more and it brought tears to my 33 year old friend's eyes there in Mcd's.
grace and peace studs, good night.
ps: my boy ben rector wrote this song about being an uncle and i wanted to share my favorite part with you guys. i think it epitomizes the feeling. it's also much more touching in it's context.
"When you find yourself alone in times of trouble,
reach inside you and above you, there's nothing He can't heal.
And if it is you do not end up with a brother,
just call your older uncle, I can always lend an ear.
Would you remember that for me?"
"hank" ben rector
