(flashback to the 7:04am on january 7,2010 location: corner bakery denver,co 80201)
something is strangely enticing to me about the anonymity that occurs for me in large cities. set aside the fact that i do slightly embarassing things like walk around in nice clothes drinking coffee acting like i have a job i'm commuting to or that i've spent my first 22 years in a place where i have a 95% chance of running into somebody i know anywhere i go, these brief urban adventures almost always bring about a strange rush of excitement and are paralleled by personal growth. i almost want to credit this to the presence of two of my most dear brothers in the whole wide world that are cozily sleeping a half a block away, but i know they're just a part of how i can step back and see God working in my life.
the conference i've been attending has the theme of "glory" which has been such a blessing, and i love how it got personal to me. this started monday night when a man named james white read me a story about a man named thomas. if you're familiar with the gospels, you probably know the guy. the guy in john 20 who so famously doubted. even to the extent that our boy is then followed by the surname "the doubter". pretty rough right? i, probably just like you, just kinda thought "wow man, you saw Jesus perform countless miracles. storms were calmed, thousands were fed with a couple perch and some toast (probably politically incorrect but God speaks in oklahoma terms to my heart), a man brought back to life and demons left men. what else do you need to see to know this guy's pretty special bro? i think ya get the picture.
(warning:intense bible story ahead that may lead to personal reflection)
fast forward to john 20:25
disciples: "we have seen the Lord!" (our teacher who we saw crucified 3 days ago? yeah He's alive!)
thomas: "unless i see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were and put my hands into his side, i will not believe."
it took my boy j.white explaining to me thomas character before i got past his apparent flaw. see thomas wasn't "a hard-nosed skeptic". thomas saw the horrific beating and murder of the best, most loving man he ever knew. he believed in him. in john 11:16, thomas was the one who stepped up and said he would follow Christ even if it cost him his life. i think of the emotion the disciples experienced when their doubts were silenced and they saw Christ and in verse 24 it says thomas wasn't there, he didn't get to see Jesus when they all did. i can just imagine the tears that filled his eyes when it was hitting him that this could be for reals, that Jesus was fulfilling the prophecies. in verses 26-27 Jesus fulfills thomas requests and historic sources cite that thomas became one of the first missionaries to india where he was eventually stoned to death.
i just think so much in our lives, we doubt. it's all in the bible how loved we really are and so often we change what's said to let it make sense to us. we think "if i can just go to church and say some nice things to some people and don't ever say a cuss word, then i'll be a good christian." i don't think our boy the doubter was compelled by the idea of self righteousness and earning the love he received. we don't have the luxury of seeing the wounds but vs.29 was all i needed to calm that doubt in me. the gospel clearly states that God died for us and it's so hard to believe. but it's our choice to believe it (depending on your theological view of course)
with that being said, i had such a great Christmas guys. i've got soo much evidence for how i'm spoiled rotten but you won't ever hear me complain about it. much love friends
-mandy candy
